Wednesday, May 10, 2006
I've never thought that my job would be this challenging. I used to love challenges, but now I feel nothing but fear and insecurity. I am struggling with feelings of inadequacy. I'm so scared to lose my job because I have responsibilities toward my family.
I've lost much of the self-confidence that I once had. I sometimes think of myself as stupid. I've had my triumphs and achievements, yet I can't think of myself as a winner. I have been in the "loser mode" for a long time now. I have to do something about this.
Sometimes I think that I am not good enough for my dreams. I have read a lot of inspirational books and I recently bought a hard-bound copy of Maxwell Maltz' Psycho-Cybernetics. Even after reading books about self-confidence, positive-thinking, and success, I still don't know how to handle my fears. Maybe I'm being too harsh on myself. I really don't know what to do.
For the meantime, I just hang on. I try to function even when I am encumbered with these feelings. Sometimes, I just retreat into my own little world. Sleep gives me a respite from the burden I carry inside. I have my nightmares when I am awake; it's far better to sleep.
Do I need to see a shrink? I don't know. I don't want to.
Posted @ 3:40 PM
