Sunday, May 14, 2006
This is one of those days when I don't know what to do...Heck, I don't even know what to think! And so I will let my fingers thump on the keys without giving much thought to the words that will appear onscreen.
I feel restless inside. I want to do many things, but I doubt if I could do them. I don't even have the confidence to start! I always procrastinate because at the back of my mind, I always say, "What's the use? I'm going to fail anyway!" As I have said I've had my triumphs, but why am I so afraid to take the first step to fulfill my dreams? Are my dreams unrealistic? Am I too small for my dreams?
I want to tell myself, "Hey, be realistic! Those are not for you! You may keep dreaming, but you might just end up dreaming your life away! Keep your feet on the ground!" But something in me won't let me rest until I have reached the stars.
I want to write, and I want to make music! I want to sing, but I don't think I am talented enough. I don't even have the looks. I will try my luck at the San Miguel Musical Foundation auditions and see if I could make it to Hong Kong Disneyland. They are looking for choir members who will perform there. Writing a bestseller is one of my fondest dreams, but again, I'm not sure if I am talented enough. I'm not much of a writer.
I feel so restless inside. I wish I could say that I am content, that I could live my life cooped up in my comfort zone. But something in me screams and tells me that there is more to life than being stuck in this job. Sure, I am grateful for this job. I earn more than most college grads do, and to think that I work from home! I earn more than enough to buy my bare necessities and I even have money to spare for whatever my family needs at home. I don't want to give up this job because of the financial security it provides. However, something inside me screams to be set free.
Posted @ 11:20 AM
