Sunday, March 19, 2006
I don't know where I am heading and it bothers me. Sure, I know what I want out of life, but I really don't know what to do right now. I would like to have a career that would give me the opportunity to make use of my best talents. I don't want to be a call center agent forever. I really would like to become a writer, but I don't even know what to write...
I am grateful for all the blessings that I am enjoying now, but I want more out of life. I feel restless inside; I know that there is more to life than what I am doing now. I am consumed by a passion that I cannot name. I am a wildfire that seeks to devour everything.
Oh God, I hope that I am not displeasing you by desiring more than what You have already given me out of Your goodness. I just feel so restless inside. I know that I am not being the best that I can be. I know that I can do and give more. Please tell me what to do next.
I need to recover the sense of self that I lost because I loved someone too much. I know that I deserve to be happy, but sometimes I feel guilty about seeking my own happiness because the people I love are not happy. My family needs me, but I must take responsibility for my own happiness. I have my own life to live.
I feel like a lost puppy; I need to belong to someone. I always say that I don't want to fall in love again, but something inside me yearns to be touched and to be held. Would someone still love me, after all the things I've done?
I'm still broken inside. It may take a long time for me to heal. I still feel the pain of the heartbreak I suffered a couple of years back. I still feel it as keenly as ever. I feel so unworthy inside. My mind tells me that I am okay, but my heart tells me otherwise. I've lost confidence in myself. I've read a lot of inspirational books. I've tried to convince myself that I am okay, yet I don't feel okay.
Posted @ 11:18 AM
