Wednesday, September 28, 2005
I only have twenty-five minutes to compose this entry.
Everything seems to be okay again. Mom is well again. A week ago, I thought I would lose her. My sister, Clarisse, told me that Mom was very sick. She was suffering from chills and high fever. She was in a delirium, crying out, "Mama! Mama!" like a little child looking for her mother. It turned out that she had a fight with my uncle, and she was emotionally and physically distressed. I am not ready to lose my Mom. I want to fulfill all the promises that I made to her. I want to make her happy. She celebrated her fifty-fifth birthday last September 26. I thank God for giving her another year with us. I love her very much.
I am turning thirty in less than a month. I can't believe it. I have a lot of growing up to do and challenges to face. I don't intend to get married or have a partner (whichever) until I have fulfilled all my promises to my family. I also want to be a writer; I hope to have a book published a couple of years from now. I am going to start small. Probably I'll write an essay or an article and submit it to a publishing company. I would like to fulfill all my personal, financial, and relationship goals before I turn forty.
Until now, I am still wondering what my purpose in life (or "dharma", as the Hindus would put it) really is. There are simply so many things that I would like to do for myself and for others...
Posted @ 7:57 PM
Sunday, September 18, 2005
My blog is so baduy. Gotta find a new skin...
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I miss my family. I just spoke with my sister and my Mom. I was on the phone with them for more than an hour. I told my Mom that I just got regularized and that I got a salary increase. Obviously, the news made her happy. I can now help my Mom with the bills. I pity my sister. She has to bear the brunt of my Mom's anger every now and then...I know how she feels. I used to be in her shoes...
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Wooohoooo! After six months of blood, sweat, tears, and extreme anxiety, the much awaited day has come: REGULAR NA AKO! I never thought I'd make it. I've always thought that I am not good enough for this job...well, maybe I am...I don't know. I just want to do my job well.
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The focus of spirituality should not be the salvation of one's soul, but its evolution.
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Mikee, Katt, and I talked about Librans. Mikee and Katt were both born under that zodiac sign. I am not a staunch believer of astrology, but the commonalities of Librans are uncanny...
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Am I destined to be alone? Of course, I can live alone! I have promised myself not to make anybody indispensable in my life. However, I sometimes long to belong to somebody who will cherish me and love me for who I am. I miss being loved and being in love. Heck, I am still in love with the same person after all these years and in spite of all the pain that I suffered...
Maybe I just can't get over the fact that my love wasn't taken seriously. It hurts like hell because I have never felt a deeper love for anyone else. I am still trying to make sense of what happened. Maybe God allowed it to happen to show me that I am capable of loving someone that much. I know I must move on. I am trying, but sometimes I just can't help crying...
Posted @ 6:01 AM
