Saturday, July 30, 2005
I've always known that I am going to die young; I've had this morbid presentiment for as long as I can remember. Well, I hope that it won't be soon. Death may either come like "a thief in the night" like the Bible says; or it may be slow and agonizing, like Ma'am Nemia's death (Mrs. Nemia Isagan Bautista, one of my personal mentors, was my professor in Guidance and Counseling at the Aklan State University. She was afflicted with myasthenia gravis, a very rare and incurable disease characterized by the gradual weakening of the muscles. The disease affected her diaphragm; she died of asphyxiation. It was as if she drowned or was strangled. The way she died saddens me. She was a very dear friend...). I don't want to die yet, but if death comes, I will welcome it.
I am not afraid to die, but I still want to have more time to enjoy the things that life has to offer. I want to meet more people, and to love and be loved by them. I want to explore the world. I want to accomplish many things, and to help many people. I want to have children, or a child at least. At the end of my life, I want to be able to say to myself that I have not lived in vain and that the world has become a better place because of me.
What is the ultimate purpose of life? I believe that it is to express the Divine within. Saint Irenaeus once said: "The glory of God is man fully alive." We are all created in the image of GOD, and we can only be fully alive when GOD can freely express himself through us, because GOD is Life. I am fully alive when I love, because GOD is Love. I am fully alive when I make sacrifices, because it is the nature of Love to sacrifice for the good of the beloved. I am fully alive when I experience joy, because GOD Himself is joyful. I am also fully alive when I experience sorrow, because in the beautiful tapestry of life, there are dark hues as well as bright colors. I am fully alive when I create, because I mirror the creativity the Divine Artist.
The question that I ask myself now is, have I been living my life to fullest? Have I been allowing GOD to express Himself to me? Thinking about the inevitable has made me appreciate life all the more...
I am living every day of my life as if it were my last. I may not be here tomorrow, who knows? I am living my life on a daily basis. I must love all I can, enjoy all I can, do all I can, and be the best that I can be. I must relish each moment as every moment of my life is irretrievably lost once it passes. Each moment leaves its mark depending on how well it was spent. Mencius once said that a creature born is a creature dying, which is so true since the countdown to the inevitable begins the moment the divine spark of life lights up the candle of existence.
What happens when we die? Nobody really knows. I used to believe that the soul either goes to heaven or to hell. I don't believe in hell anymore. I believe in reincarnation. The way I live my life now will determine the quality of my next life, so justice is not negated in the concept of reincarnation. I will constantly be purified as I enter the cycle of birth and re-birth, until I am pure enough to be one with GOD. The cycle of birth and re-birth is always geared toward perfection. I believe that we are all a part of GOD and I simply find it inconceivable that GOD would throw any part of Him to the flames of hell.
I am getting too philosophical here.
Posted @ 7:30 AM
