Friday, July 29, 2005
This is one of those days when I just feel like letting go and not caring at all.
I feel down today. I think it's pretty normal. I feel bad about my job. I have this feeling of incompetence that weighs me down, and so I have to struggle hard to come to work. I didn't feel like going work last night, but I had to remind myself that I need to work in order to survive, and I need every cent I can earn. With the feeling of incompetence comes the fear of losing my job, and frustration. I am working hard to attain job mastery, but it seems that my efforts have amounted to nil.
Adding to these burdensome feelings is the loneliness that I have to deal with on a daily basis. My family is away from me. I barely have the time to visit my cousins. I just gave up an unhealthy relationship with a person I deeply care about. My best friend in the United Kingdom has not replied to my text messages and my emails. Well, perhaps she barely has the time to do so; she is a full-time housewife with a husband to take care of...I understand...Friends? I have few...
In moments like this, all I can do now is reflect upon my situation. Loneliness is not so bad after all. It gives me the perfect opportunity to focus on my interior life and on my relationship on GOD within. According to Anthony Robbins, the feeling of loneliness actually sends people a message that signals a need to connect to another human being at a certain level. What level of connection do I need? Do I need to have a more intimate relationship with another person (not necessarily physically intimate)?
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I just found the draft of a blog entry that I intended to publish about a month ago. I was so glum that I wish I could sleep the entire day. Then I realized what I knew all along: happiness is a choice. It all depends on what you dwell upon. Sure, life will never be perfect, and occasionally, life deals its blows unexpectedly. Some days can make us wish we could just curl up and die.
I’ve been getting difficult calls as well as calls that are funny. Sometimes I sound stupid; I know that. I must work on my phone handling skills. My conversational skills are getting a bit rusty. I am going to spend my days off studying and practicing.
Life is getting pretty exciting. I am meeting men, and I am back in the dating game. I have also decided to join the Toast of Mensa once and for all. However, I need to save some money for the membership fee. Life is an adventure to me. I love life. I don’t curse my lot anymore. I have realized that I have so many blessings that I ignore. I choose to be happy!
I am living my dreams now and will continue to do so every day of my life. My greatest dream is to become a best-selling author. I will submit an article to PDI a couple of weeks from now. I don’t care whether they accept or reject it; the most important thing is that I have done what I must do. I will also experiment with fiction and poetry. Julia Cameron says that to be a great writer, one must be willing to be a bad writer first.
Posted @ 2:22 PM
